A Break...

This morning Anthony sent me a text, we are now on a break. He said it was nothing i did and its not another girl and i guess i can respect his decision. Do i like it, no but do i have to live with it for now, yes.  Do i understand why he did it, yes. He told me before we started dating that he had a lot of stuff to deal with and everything is just coming at him at once so i understand. What i dont understand is that he said "Kristen I love you dont forget it". How can you take a break with someone and then say you love them? Martin tried to tell me that taking a break and losing love with someone is different but i dont believe it. You take a break with someone because you dont know how you feel about that person anymore and you need time to think. If it was because i was talking about a wedding believe me i was just kidding. Im not ready to be married and im not financially ready to get married so there is no way. Its just fun to dream about a wedding. Im a girl what can i say. Im sad but im not. Im mad but im not. I really would just like to go home and sleep cuz when you sleep you dont have to think about anything and right now thats what i want to do. Think about nothing.

Wow i havent been on this thing in like 2 or 3 years. A lot has changed since then. I went back and read all my old entries and i just sat there thinking im so dumb i was so stupid why did i do those things and say those things. But i was 19 then now im 22. Im still living at home and i still work at D&S. I still cant believe i said some of the things i said. I was young and dumb and you could tell. The stuff about Darnell almost made me sick to my stomach. I was never in love with him i dont know why i think i was. I called him baby and said i love you and i knew it would never happen again. I wish i knew then what i know now. The fact that he never loved me he just used me. He didnt want me he just needing things from me. Im so stupid. Anyway

On the upside i do work full time now. Although somedays i wish it were part time. Sitting here doing nothing is very very boring. I have a car. I purchased it on July 1st 2006. I have had it for 2 years now and i dont know what i would do without it. I have a boyfriend named Anthony. We have been together for 4 months now and were doing amazing. Couldn't ask for anyone better. I love him. As far as friends go. I dont talk to anyone i use to. My friends consist of about 8 or 9 people. Anthony, Martin, Jalisa, Quinton, Jakobi, Hope, Adam and Damelis. I dont talk to Darnell or Brittany really anymore. They do things that im just not up to doing. I guess some people decided to grow up and move on with their lives and others decided to stay where they were or even take a step back. Im not going to sit here and say im doing the best i can or should be doing right now but i can say that i stay out of trouble and i dont smoke and i dont drink on a day to day bases. I have a job and i have bills and i have things that i want and need in my life because of those things. Im not slacking. I may not of gone to college but hey i have a better job then most of the people i know that are in college or went to college and im probably making more and will make more then they ever will. All of that comes from the mistakes i've made. I learned to come out of them with my head held high and to move on and never look back.

Im pretty much done with xanga and on to bigger and better things. I now have a myspace lol and it seems like everyone else has one to. I was just a little late getting one cuz of joey but we now have dsl so im connected 24/7. and i dont have to pay for it. Joe said he would pay for it all freakin yeah lol. alright well this will probably be the last entry in here. Ive had this thing forever but its time to let go. Bye everyone

Kristen

P.S. you know you will miss me

So i wanna go party tonight but i cant because i have to babysit. I should have said no. Maybe i will go after with Brittany but we will see.

Kristen

Hi Everyone...Brittanys been home all week and i've seen her everyday. But that will change next week cuz she starts working. I went to Hacienda with Tarrah, Amber, Austin, Jimmy, Pedro dropped by with some other boy and the boys girlfriend, Kyle and Roadie. Im pretty sure thats not how you spell the kids name but whatever he will get over it.

So i've been thinking. What do i do to piss people off at me to where they dont wanna talk to me anymore. I just dont get it. Im nothing but nice to people and they take advantage of it and then turn it around on me to use it against me. IM TIRED OF IT!!!...Why cant people just be nice back to me? I know i dont like people that much but they people i do like should like me to. I dont know i dont understand what i just said but if your reading this and you understand let me know.

Kristen